OK, here we go. The writing at the bottom of the image (which hardly shows in this image) says "In time I will eat the world." Which is one way of describing my ambition - the true and absolute depths of it. The writing is positioned just next to the figure with its hands raised - I deny the light of my ambition and fight it; sabotage it.

The pic is nowhere near as cool as the painting. Hard to get a good shot of this.

 

I undersell my works and am not ambitious as I could be. And often my despair sends splinters of failure through my works and I find myself sabotaging the greater degrees of my success. In many ways i seem to be waiting for something... for what I do not know. More courage, perhaps. Yes. My courage is bolstered and has become more real and more strong with each success, though i still feel guilt each time i sell a work. This even though to my own eyes my work appears stronger than almost everything available in the modern market. The child facing the shirt on a crucifix (again barely visible in this image. damned cheap digital cam) to me represents the frightened little boy that i was, the prescience and fear of the pain of my future. I wanted to have an adjunct to it with beauty - i suppose the woman in the white dress is about my idealisation of women and also my mother. hm all getting a bit freudian. the dragonfly... it is both. born of these things, and i suppose ready to fly, ugly and pretty at the same time. The scissors are for the self harm and for how much i have had to cut out of my life in order to live it, to actually LIVE there must be some kind OF SEVERANCE with what i WAS. There is a piece of paper stuck into the top left and covered in paint. it says"

Though it is not that hard (though this is a myth of course it WAS really hard hourglass anyone - a GLASS OF HOURS?) to build a clock I mean they get all excited by atrophy and perform as they should and we all sigh with cosmic relief

as the seconds pass and we exhale our next moment clicked and ticked offf

once more one at a TIME until we breathe no more"

 

Which is a little nonsensical rant/bitch about time. Put it all together and it is pretty complex i suppose, but i LIKE IT. i felt FREE when I was painting this though i don't imagine selling it any time soon. ah well what the helll sang Mcwatt.