Self-portrait at 26

Available For Sale

By Paul D Robertson

Charcoal on paper, 37 x 19 cms.

The last in the series of self-portraits. I wasn't trying to do one a year it just worked out that way.

This was also just before I quit drinking. I was living by myself and had lost my license - getting to uni was very hard. I had 2 n a half hours travel time each way. Not that I had much else to do.

These is a poem on the right of the sketch -

I don't know I've always been such an anachronism I mean given my starting point I should have gone on to inevitable success Christ anyone else would have that's for sure
Such a fucking walking stereotype but I'm not I'm not I never was little feet tiny legs and scars everywhere still feel them in the heat sometimes.
Never know what to say anymore though I'm sure I used to last wish of a damned man and all that wake me when the war is over I used to say can you believe that just because just before I passed out waking angry and wild never more than two hours at a time I swear.
Like a slap in the heart sometimes.
So hard so hard see them all lined up like that so hard fear clenching me up and memories that are so bright but hard to see.
Know that there's only a little failure and a big scare for me later on again but
so lonely
makes my heart hurt.