Champagne Storm

By Paul D Robertson

Pastels, 120x 72 cms.

sold

I love the idea behind this piece: "hey there's a huge storm coming in!

"Quick! Everyone grab a magnum of champers and a good place to sit!"

I have been quite guilty of such deliberate irony and inappropriate celebration myself on occasion.

Took girls to the life guard tower at the end of the pier at the edge of the beach in the middle of the night whenever it stormed. I waited I knew I took them whoever whenever it rained and howled at night and I could smell ozone. I told them it was a full moon each one I told them a ritual they always said how can you see through the clouds?

RANT CONTINUED FROM.... UM...NADIA. Started in Mother and Daughter. I think.

am back on Antidepresseants, high dose. and upped lamotragine (mood stabliser), but i don't think it is enough. i will have to try another stabliser in conjunction, i think.
even the last few days - i have had mild visual and sensory halucinations - walls bending and things crawling on me. and then freaking with a hyper-tense kind of anxiety. i got lost yesterday on roads i know so well. scared the hell out of me. i hate that. i was CONCENTRATING ON WHERE I WAS GOING. and then i look around in a place i don't know, and u know, think i have gone the right way and everything has changed.

mass anxiety. i work it out. TUrN THE FUCKING CAR AROUND.
i have lorazepam now to deal with the anxiety and also for the depressions.
they have been gone for about 4 days now. it is good to have something, to know that i have something, that will just make me zone out and go to sleep.
looking back i should have been in hospital. but i WAS smart enough not to let myself be left alone. have had ppl round pretty much constantly. much less likely to cut. i haven't but i was sooo close every day.
i seem to have lost 8 kilos (18lbs?) in the last 3 weeks somewhere. i was thin to start with. well. i have better abs now i guess. they were ok to start with. hmm.

has been very good to have 3 girlfriends. weird too. cuz they have been so worried about me they r telling me to go and see each other when they can't be around.
Um, they don't do that much.

normally.

i mean.
i am tenuously waiting for a return of some sort of stability. i am intermittently fine and then something else changes. most of today i have felt high. so it all seems like a dream. one thing that is true and does suck a LOT is that i haven't been working as much as usual. normally, i work thru everything, but the swings have been coming too hard and fast to seem to get anything organised, done. i have real difficulty accepting not working at least as many hours as a normal working week, but guess it is the advantage of being, u know, an art guy.

swing the states men made of meds which of us is the primary the core the real?

I HAVE NO IDEA.