I used a lot of distorted perspective and undersized figures to get a sense of powerlessness and touches of madness in a good deal of my early work. This was done at a very difficult time in my life (he says, broadly encoompassing) and I think it expresses well what I was feeling - over-whelmed and unable to live up to the expectations of the world or of myself. I am a reformed "non practicing" alcoholic, and for the first two years of my degree I was drunk a lot of the time and it made me REALLY SICK. Liver damage SUCKS and it HURTS. It also makes you look ugly.I have been sober since 1998. My work was much darker until that point, that crucial point that TURNING point. It was one of the hardest things, and the best, that i have ever done. I loathed myself for years until I quit. I was hoping that the bipolar stuff would go away when I stopped drinking but alas it was not to happen. One of the hardest things is that Australia has a huge drinking culture. I read somewhere that we drink more than any country in the world, including the Russians and the Germans. And when I was a teenager, the aim was to drink to the point of oblivion, and pretty much everyone I knew would do that. Particularly my friends, of course. Birds and feathers sticking together. That sort of thing. I guess I was also "self medicating" for my bipolar. I am pretty certain of that being a motivation. To take the extremes from the dysphoric highs (a term for being manic in an unpleasant way) and of course to attempt to soften the extremities of depression. It makes both things far worse if you drink, but it seemed to work in the SHORT TERM. I have forgotten so much of my adult life - at the height of mania my memory cuts out, and I had blackouts pretty much every week while I was drinking, for that decade. Swift and slow and sick.

Plus of course the ECT I had last year - ECT stands for electrical convulsive treatment. shock treatment. It is far more civilised these days than it was; it is done under general anaesthetic, and the absolute minimum current is used. Though apparently they had to use FULL POWER last time to get me to have a siezure, whatever that means. I lost my memory from that as I was losing my girlfriend, and THAT really sucks and it hurt like hell. I think I had to find out several times because I kept forgetting that it happened. Apparently. Because of course I couldn't remember. I think I screwed it all up, and it was my fault that she broke up with me. Girlfriend souds so lame. It hardly matters as she is gone from me in the absolute mystery of amnesia . Lost her

Ah yes for the parlance the vernacular of the times this would be the description she is a girl and also my friend, yes – a partner perhaps though this puts in mind line dancing or at least for me. A live in guest, a woman to share my life and time with a soul sharer a wonder splitter a life visitor a cosmic companion and company, oh company for me. Ally for my heart, blood sister,

sex

magic

witch.

"God made the world from the void, but the void shows through." Paul Valery.